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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Anti-Government Militia Attracts the Unattractive

Ordinarily, we would resist the urge to write a post about something as catty as someone (or a group of someones) appearance(s)*. People come in all varieties and here at the GTB we like to consider ourselves cognizant of the fact that everyone is someone's child, but this time, WOW, we just can't help it. The group of suspects rounded up in the Michigan Militia arrests fell from the ugly tree and clearly hit every branch on the way down. There, we said it. Do we feel bad? No, not really because the only reason we found this collage-of-wow-that's-(pregnant pause)-not-cute is because they are terrible people who were planning to do something terrible. We blame them for opening themselves up to this sort of ridicule. We also blame them for their lifestyle and hairstyle choices.

Kudos to the FBI for heading this group off at the pass.

GTB Neat Fact:
While researching this story we found that the Southern Poverty Law Center, a non-profit organization that monitors hate and fringe groups across the US documented a 244% jump in new anti-government "Patriot Groups" last year. This included the addition of 85 new militia groups.

*Statement excludes celebrities, quasi-celebrities, K-Fed, Bjork, Karl Rove, and the Queen of the Harpies Ann Coulter.


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A New Low for the Drunk

Sometimes people drink. Sometimes people drink too much. Sometimes people drink too much...and get arrested for public intoxication because they have been caught on the side of the road attempting to resuscitate a long-dead opossum.

That is the story of Donald Wolfe, 55, of Pennsylvania (somewhere North of Pittsburgh). Troopers pulled over after seeing a man performing what appeared to be a "seance" over the carcass of a dead opossum on the shoulder of a Pennsylvania highway. As they approached, Wolfe began performing CPR on the animal. Wolfe was unable to resuscitate the roadkill and was arrested...and presumably tested for rabies.

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