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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Congratulations America! You're the Winner!

A little good news for the US today. We have taken the top spot in a very important competition! According to the 2007 Small Arms Survey conducted by the Graduate Institute for International Studies in Geneva, Switzerland, the United States is the most heavily armed country in the entire world! With about 90 guns for every 100 citizens, the United States beat out India, which took 2nd place at 4 guns per 100 people and our archrival CHINA which had only 3 guns per 100 people.

Congratulations to the US for having a higher per capita rate of gun ownership than health care coverage!


Monday, August 27, 2007

Denial...Not Just a River In Egypt

For awhile now I have been concerned that maybe our president is back on the coke. What with the denial and the delusion about Iraq and his ever-plummeting approval ratings, how could he possibly remain so upbeat and optimistic? Must be drugs! But then I saw this article and it turns out that it isn't the drugs, it is the manual that directs Bush staffers on how to stifle protestors and keep them out of the line of site of the President that has the Dubya believing that he is doing a really great job as leader of the free world! He thinks things are great because his staff has written instructions on the most effective way to squelch dissent. It is actually rather brilliant but it reminds me just a little of that time that Kim Jong Il scored 11 holes-in-one the very first time he played golf.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Iraq is like Vietnam, But it's Also Not!

April 2004 prime time press conference:
"REPORTER: Thank you, Mr. President. Mr. President, April is turning into the deadliest month in Iraq since the fall of Baghdad, and some people are comparing Iraq to Vietnam and talking about a quagmire. Polls show that support for your policy is declining and that fewer than half Americans now support it. What does that say to you and how do you answer the Vietnam comparison?

THE PRESIDENT: I think the analogy is false. I also happen to think that analogy sends the wrong message to our troops, and sends the wrong message to the enemy. Look, this is hard work. It's hard to advance freedom in a country that has been strangled by tyranny. And, yet, we must stay the course, because the end result is in our nation's interest."

Oh, ok. I get it. Iraq is not like Vietnam. In fact even making the comparison is bad for the troops. This is just typical liberal troop hating left-wing media garbage. Fair enough.

But wait a minute.

August 22, 2007 Speech to the veterans of foreign war:
"Finally, there was Vietnam. This is a complex and painful subject for many Americans, and the tragedy of Vietnam is too large to be contained in one speech. So I will limit myself to one argument that has particular significance today. Then as now, people argued that the real problem was America’s presence and that if we would just withdraw, the killing would end.”

So when it doesn't help to serve his agenda Iraq is nothing like Vietnam. But when it does, let the comparisons roll!

What was that word the righties kept throwing at John Kerry? Man, I wish i could remember it.....Oh right. Flip Flopper.

**Side Note: This isn't really surprising seeing as Bush has compared Iraq to pretty much every other war including:
the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, and Korea! My only question for Mr. Bush is where is the comparison to the Barbary Wars where the U.S. bravely fought Morocco, Algiers, Tunis, and Tripoli. Most likely because this war involved pirates. Yes, real bona fide pirates.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Michael Vick has No Decency...and Terrible Taste In Footwear

Did you spend your day wondering how a man who has admitted to murdering dogs might spend less than a year in prison? Did you spend your morning pondering how you would feel if that same man got out of prison for said dog murdering and was welcomed back to play professional football for the NFL? Did you waste your whole afternoon hoping that dog murderers are treated the same way that child molesters are in the clink? I sure did. If you did too, here is another reason to hate Michael Vick. Not only is he a terrible human being, he sells HIDEOUS shoes. I highly recommend this video. The best part is when he talks about how much he loves dogs.

*Thanks to Julie for the tip.


Monday, August 20, 2007

And You Thought We Had a Gambling Problem!

Here at the GTB we often joke that we have a gambling problem. Turns out that our occasional enjoyment of a little game called blackjack is NOTHIN’. A gambler at Caesar’s Indiana casino got a rather wet welcome when he took a seat that had opened up in front of a slot machine and realized that the chair was soaked in urine. Apparently, the woman who was sitting there before him hadn’t wanted to leave the “hot” machine to use the restroom and had simply urinated on the seat. The gambler, Floyd Kibiloski of Fern Creek, Kentucky, says the casino staff didn’t offer him very much help when he complained about the incident and that he had to go out to his car to change into a pair of dirty sweatpants before he could continue gambling.

The best part about this story is what the representative from the Nevada Council on Problem Gaming had to say about the incident:

Gamblers who become addicted can enter a trancelike state where even basic hygiene habits are ignored. Their reasoning is so impaired by the addiction that they may go for hours and days without eating or showering. Gamblers have told counselors that they wore adult diapers or relieved themselves to keep from losing their seat at a slot machine where they expected the machine to pay off.

So yeah, maybe we like to gamble a little bit, but neither of us has ever urinated at a slot machine (as far as we can remember).


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

More Trouble for Michael Vick

If you thought Michael Vick was in trouble before, then you will think he is absolutely screwed now! An South Carolina inmate has filed a "$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar" complaint against him. The inmate claims that Michael:

  • Stole his dogs to use in dog fights
  • Sold the dogs on EBay when he was done with them
  • Used the money from the EBay sale to purchase missiles from Iran
  • Stole the inmate's identity and used his information to get a store credit card from PetSmart to buy dog food for the animals involved in his dogfighting ring
  • Used drugs in a school zone
These are just the highlights. He did a bunch of other stuff too. The inmate also requested that Michael Vick stop "physically hurting (his) feelings and dashing (his) hopes”.

You can read the entire handwritten complaint, here. Trust me when I tell you that it is worth a minute of your time.

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

Karl Rove has resigned. Far be it from me to pass judgment, we'll let history take care of that dirty work.

Post your favorite Rovements in the comments section!

And as if today could get any more Estonia, a blind man was caught drunk driving for the SECOND TIME today. The man had 3 passengers in his car giving him direction at the time of his arrest. God Bless Estonia, wherever it may be.*

*Thanks to Dave for the tip!

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

My Mom Says This Blog Is too Negative

So in her honor I decided to post this incredible story about the 8-ft. tall lego man that washed up on the shores of the Zandvoort resort in Amsterdam. The workers at a drink stall on the beach saw the lego man bobbing in the sea and rescued him. He now stands guard at the drink stall.

Please note the incredibly deep sentiment on his shirt.

Best story I've heard in a long time. Ain't nothin' negative about an 8 foot tall lego man being rescued from the sea.


Monday, August 06, 2007

Anybody seen Those Guns?

According to a new report from the U.S. Government Accountability Office, (ha ha ha! Who would have guessed we have one of these?!? They must have buried it down in the basement of the State Department next to the Unicorn Tracking Office for the last 7 years!) it seems that the Pentagon cannot account for 190,000 weapons distributed to Iraqi Security forces. Mostly AK-47's and pistols, the unaccounted for weapons represent about 30% of the weapons distributed to the Iraqi Security forces and the Pentagon concedes that some of those missing weapons have probably fallen into the hands of insurgents and are probably being used against U.S. troops.

So, I hate to say I told you so...but I told you so. Wait, now that I think about it, I actually told you so twice. Let me check...Yep! I did tell you so twice. I told you, HERE when the U.S. decided to arm the Sunni insurgents and HERE when they announced they were going to sell billions of dollars worth of weapons to our various Middle Eastern allies, that the U.S. really has very little ability to keep track of guns after they give them out. I guess if we keep giving them out because once everyone has a weapon, peace will surely follow.

Maybe the guns are with the moon tapes!

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Friday, August 03, 2007

Congratulations Duggar Family!

As many of you know...I LOVE the Duggar Family! If you don't know what I'm talking about, just watch any of the Discovery Channel Channels and sometimes TLC and you will meet a family like no other. A family with 16 children...well, until Wednesday when the Duggar family welcomed their 17th child, a daughter named Jennifer Danielle! Jennifer was welcomed into the world by her siblings, Joshua, 19; John David, 17; Janna, 17; Jill, 16; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 9; Jedidiah, 8; Jeremiah, 8; Jason 7; James 6; Justin, 4; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, almost 2.

If you have never caught one of the Duggar's many TV specials, I highly recommend them. They are usually chocked full of tasty recipes and wholesome family fun.

Congratulations to the Duggar family! I didn't even know they were expecting!