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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

I don't have time to make Tarable Idea Certificates for all of these so here's a run down on all things stupid:
  • Congratulations Deana F. Jarrett, 54, of Redmond, Washington, you are the drunkest driver in the history of the State*! After 2 consecutive car accidents, Jarrett was pulled over by police who administered a breathalyzer test, revealing that her blood alcohol was .47, almost 6 times the legal limit (.08 in WA)! A check of the 356,000 tests on file with the Washington State Police showed that Deana F. Jarrett is in fact the drunkest driver on record! Congratulations Deana, I hope this award helps you woo a pretty girlfriend in prison!
  • Paul White, 38, and Ryan Ogle, 25 of Pomona, California accidentally called the police while trying to send an urgent "911" code to their drug dealer. Police traced the call and dispatched an officer to investigate. When the officer arrived he found White and Ogle waiting patiently for their dealer...with a stolen car full of burglary tools. Genius. (p.s. I really can't believe this has happened twice.)
  • At a campaign event in Summerville, S.C., Republican Presidential hopeful John McCain (who I used to like) answered a question about when the U.S. is going to send an "airmail message to Tehran" with a musical parody! McCain cleverly changed the words of the classic Beach Boys tune "Barbara Ann" to "Bomb Iran" and was greeted with laughter and cheers from the audience. More proof for my theory that America hasn't learned anything in the last 6 years and we are totally going to war with Iran. Sigh.
*Records only available since 1998.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

I agree that the drunk driver is not the stupidest of the lot. Ridiculous, irreverant, sick. That's what comes to mind.

I'm wondering exactly what happened to Sen. McCain. I used to like him, too. I have a song for the Senator. ~I see your true colors...shining through...~ Not quite as clever as his play on words, but spot on in my opinion.

As for the druggie car thieves. I say: thank goodness for stupid criminals. Makes life easy for stupid cops. Time to throw the proverbial book at 'em! Yahoo!

8:45 AM

 
Anonymous Jono said...

Ok, so there is a stupidity gradient here. And while this is all very apples-and-oranges, part of me feels like self-medication is the only sensible reaction to stupid politicians cracking jokes about starting World War Four. So maybe the knuckleheads from stories One and Two are onto something, minus the reckless driving and self-incrimination, of course.

9:12 AM

 

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