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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Chivalry Not Dead in Wisconsin

In Oconomowoc, Wisconsin on February, 12th, James Van Iveren thought he heard a woman being raped in the apartment above his. Iveren grabbed his family's heirloom cavalry sword and charged out of the apartment he shares with his mother. After banging on his neighbor's door, Van Iveren kicked the door in and demanded that his neighbor tell him where he was keeping the damsel in distress. It turns out Van Iveren had actually heard screams from a porn movie his neighbor was watching. He has been charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct. The combined misdemeanors could carry up to a 33-month jail sentence. When asked to comment, Van Iveren said, "Now I feel stupid. This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake." Police have taken possession of Van Iveren's sword.

Shouldn't he be covered by some sort of Good Samaratin law? You know like, you perform CPR on somebody who has keeled over, they can't sue you for breaking their ribs. Or, you bust in on your neighbor watching porn tapes and force him, at swordpoint, to show you around his apartment to prove that he isn't raping somebody...ok maybe it isn't the same thing, but 33 months in jail seems a tad excessive. If I were the judge I would have him pay retribution in the form of: 1 set of headphones for his upstairs neighbor and perhaps suggest that one of them consider moving in order to avoid an awkward encounter at the mailbox.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous forhecancreep said...

I always wondered why they tell you to yell "fire" instead of "rape." Turns out it's because you can get 33 months in jail for responding to "rape." Way to send the right message. Pity about the sword.

5:41 PM

 
Anonymous Jono said...

I have said it before and I will say it again: Wisconsin is a strange place.

10:09 AM

 
Anonymous thetumtumtree said...

They say "budge in line" instead of "cut in line" and the cheese there squeaks...

10:43 AM

 
Anonymous Dr. Bombay said...

I say to bravo to this young man. Too bad he didn't have a noble steed at the ready to ride up the stairs with.

Woe be to those who would harm damsels in America's Dairy Land when Sir Insipid is about!

11:30 AM

 
Blogger scooterlulu said...

Didn't you break a door down once Jono? -Lulu

11:53 AM

 
Anonymous Dr. Bombay said...

Yes he did, and somewhere there are pictures of us holding the shards. I will say however that was in defending our home against a known threat, you Lulu, Captain Adventure, and someone else.

12:30 PM

 
Anonymous Jono said...

Lulu -

It's true; I did break down a door once upon a time. But you're comparing apples to oranges. Dr. Bombay is right; I was defending my home. Besides, since the incident we're referring to occurred at St. Mary's College, I feel the need to bring up a few relevant facts.

1) Them townhouses were not sturdy. I have encountered more durable doors in children's treehouses; and

2) If I had started kicking in doors every time I heard the sounds of loud pornography and/or intercourse on that campus, I never would have had time to go to class.

2:19 PM

 
Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

Sounds like Mr. Oconomowoc needs to broaden his horizons a bit. Maybe the court's order should mandate that upstairs neighbor share his films with the 39 year old "culprit" who lives in an apartment with his mom.

Just not my kind of neighborhood watch.

2:58 PM

 

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