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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I Puffy Heart German Robbers

Most of the time, petty criminals make me angry and in general, I don’t think very highly of their intellect or creativity. Today though, a story out of Germany might just make me rethink my position on this particular section of society.

A man in
Germany went to an ATM. He withdrew 7,500 euros (about $10,000). As he was walking away from the ATM, he was “struck in the back of the neck with what he describes as human feces”. Luckily, 2 burly women, and later a man came to his aid. With paper towels no less. Claiming they had seen someone from above pooping down onto the man, they had come to help...then they stole all of his money. This plan=pure genius. Find an ATM, throw poop on a patron, pretend to help him clean it off while stealing his wallet. It's brilliance lies in how elaborately primal it is.

What struck me as odd is that the man was not at all surprised by the fact that strangers with paper towels were immediately available to help him after some punk pooped on his neck. In America, that would seem suspiciously convenient and probably would have been a red flag that something fishy was to follow. Then I remembered what I learned during my recent time in
Berlin, Germans are efficient to the point of ridiculousness. In Germany it would be suspicious if there wasn't a stranger with readily available cleaning supplies just in case one person pooped on another. That stranger would probably even be paid by the government and after they cleaned you up they would offer you a sandwich and some free healthcare. I'm torn about where I would rather live.

The long and short lesson here is that Germans have some great ideas (some bad ones too, but lately, mostly good). They put cream cheese on their sandwiches and Sprite in their beer. They add lots of extra letters (and occasionally symbols) to words providing hilarity when foreigners attempt to pronounce them. But of all the good ideas that have come out of Germany the “feces distraction robbery method (a.k.a. the Monkey Heist)” will henceforth be my favorite.

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Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

Speaking of beer: Just so ya know, Will's dad has been spriting his beer for years. Perhaps he is ahead of his times?

Reserving the right to comment on the $10,000 dump at a later time.

3:51 PM

Blogger Fumbles said...

Who takes $10,000 dollars in cash out of an ATM? I may be unaware of this practice since I my bank account is never that flush. But, the few times I have dealt with any large quanity of zeros I have gone inside the bank and withdrawn the amount in the form of a certified check...I must be behind the times.

5:37 PM


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