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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Pen Is Mightier Than the Sword: How George W. Bush Ruined My Day

Today is a happy day for hundreds of thousands of embryos that can rest comfortably in their frosty jars knowing that they will never be poked or prodded in the name of scientific advancement. It is however a sad day for everyone who might have benefited from their existence. The majority of the embryos that George W. Bush “saved” with a quick whip of his pen today, will never become children. In fact, most of them will probably be destroyed, having served no purpose but to take up space on the shelf of an industrial freezer. Nice work Dubya! You’ll certainly go down in the history books for this one. Too bad those history books will probably all be in Chinese since they will undoubtedly use their embryonic stem cell program to create superhumans and finally succeed in world domination.

In all seriousness though, this is a sad day for science, a sad day for
America, a sad day for the human race, and a sad day in the fight to value every life equally and without bias.

13 Comments:

Anonymous D said...

as soon as i get this whole grad school thing out of the way, i plan to defrost at least half of the 500,000 frozen mini americans and offer them a home in my uterus. i feel like it is my patriotic duty. maybe birthing all those snowflakes will grant me some windfall in governmental assistance that will offset the cost of my student loans.

8:53 AM

 
Blogger CaptainAdventure said...

Um, maybe you should discuss that with someone first. But it would be cool to have an unholy army of mini-Americans. I just hope they are all the image of perfect health, because otherwise, you will have to bring them to China for treatment.

9:42 AM

 
Blogger scooterlulu said...

Well...Let's see...So far the US has spent $6 Million to encourage embryonic adoption (http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=469906). With 128 babies born, that comes out to $46,875 per baby (thanks to Reebs for the tip). If you impregnated yourself with 250,000 of the embryos in question and let's say 1/3 of them take, you would have 83,333 babies. At $46,875 a pop, you would get....$3.7 BILLION. What is Vet School running people these days? I think that would cover it. -Lulu

9:54 AM

 
Blogger scooterlulu said...

Captain Adventure tells me my link might be wrong. It was an article about how much the US has spent to make 128 Snowflake Babies. If you try it and it goes to a link about beating up old people, that is the wrong article. Sorry. -Lulu

10:05 AM

 
Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

Captain - I think d's plan might be perfect for you two. As a double uterus couple you could make double the money and really stick it to Dub. And, would suggest not waiting at all. Couldn't you stay home and take care of the snowflakes?

10:42 AM

 
Blogger CaptainAdventure said...

Gris gris.... I am SURE there is some stipulation, probably included in the "American Values Agenda" that excludes the queers from adopting the snowflakes. I mean, come on, we all know that ice cube trays of frozen cell blobs NEED a traditional family structure to grow up into good ole fat, lazy 'mericans.

10:51 AM

 
Anonymous Reebs said...

It's a good thing they gave W a baby with a pacifier in its mouth this time. Must be a new White House policy on freedom of expression. No more crying babies for Georgie!

If we thaw out those 500,000 babies, can we turn them into thoughtful voters and arrange for them to live in a swing state?

10:53 AM

 
Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

Gee, I wonder what Bush & his cronies would choose? Save the snowflakes or screw the gays? This might be the appropriate tactic to employ. Surely they'd choose to kill the babies if it meant saving the "American way of life"! Or, we could just tell them that all the snowflakes are Muslim.

10:55 AM

 
Blogger CaptainAdventure said...

I am pretty sure that the pacifier was employed to stop baby snowflake from saying "you are handing me to this baffoon? What if I end up with a spinal injury because of this BS? Then what?". As for Gris Gris's idea, this might have merit. What if we start a campaign for all alienated parties to start 'adopting' ice cubes. Then, we will DEFINATELY take back the throne!

11:02 AM

 
Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

So, according to my libertarian colleague; any argument based in logic will not work on the Bush Administration. Therefore, it is possible that we will continue to marginalize gays, make babies from snowflakes and deny social services.

11:29 AM

 
Blogger Fumbles said...

Logic gets in the way and is hard. Just go with your gut and shoot from the hip. That's how you make policy.

12:36 PM

 
Blogger Jenny said...

Maybe in the meantime, d, you could be foster uterus for the snowflake babies. When a more "suitable" uterus opens up, they can move them there. Also, I am so glad that Bush wants to help me celebrate my (traumatic) 30th birthday by telling me he doesn't want me to walk again. No worries. We'll just bank my kid's cord blood and save up for our plane tickets to China.

1:40 PM

 
Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

here - this'll make you feel better:

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

2:43 PM

 

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