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Monday, July 17, 2006

Congress to Finally Address Issues Important To You

As I mentioned before, it seems like in the last few days the world has gone to crap, but fear not, you can sleep soundly tonight knowing that Congress will soon address some of the issues that have been keeping you awake. The House GOP is moving forward on what they refer to as their “American Values Agenda”, a list of session priorities that House Majority Leader, John Boehner’s website calls “freedom-based legislative initiatives”. Here’s what we’ll see up for debate in the coming months:

Pledge Protection Act (HR 2389; Rep. Akin)
Freedom to Display the American Flag Act
(HR 42; Rep. Bartlett)
The Public Expression of Religion Act (HR 2679; Rep. Hostettler)

Marriage Amendment (HJRes 88; Rep. Musgrave)

Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act (HR 356; Rep. C. Smith)

Human Cloning Prohibition Act (HR 1357; Rep. D. Weldon)

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives Reform (HR 5092;
Rep. Coble) (contrary to what this SOUNDS like, it is actually about KEEPING guns on the streets)

Internet Gambling Prohibition (Reps. Leach & Goodlatte)

Disaster Recovery Personal Protection Act (HR 5013; Rep. Jindal)

Permanent Tax Relief for Families

Um, what the F?!? Did Wal-Mart have a blue-light half-price bargain bin 4th of July sale on crappy bills? I don’t stay awake at night worried that someone will take away my right to hang up my American Flag. I stay awake wondering if my phone has been illegally tapped, if North Korea is going to bomb us, and what Osama will do if he finds out I’m a former Rotarian. See a description of these bills, here. Only Kevin Federline wastes this much time doing absolutely nothing of value for society. But I don’t care as much because our taxes don’t pay Kevin Federline to be useless, Britney does, and look what we call HER behind her back.

*Thanks to Captain Adventure for the tip!


Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

And yet, they may pass a bill to lift Bush's ban on stem cell research and the good old prez will likely exercise his veto power...for the first time veto this one. Jesus H. Christ!

4:18 PM

Blogger The Pink Totebag said...

Yes, I am glad that he cares so much about protecting human life that he is taking a stand. Too bad that 70% of the country thinks he should back off this issue and let the scientists see where this can go... Hmmm, coincidentally, isn't that about how much of the country thinks he's doing a crappy job, in general?

11:11 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can anyone believe that horse's ass got re-elected? I mean sweet Jesus, the only thing this guy breaks out the veto for is scientific research?

Speaking of "protecting" life, did anyone see those damn Pro-Life protesters back on the Pike today? I mean, believe what you want, but for God's Sake, let me have my coffee before showing me 6'x10' pictures of aborted fetuses.

The only thing that made it alright was at the same time, their was a guy wearing a pirate costume walking down the pike holding a sign that said "will work for booty."

Is it a full moon?

12:05 PM

Blogger scooterlulu said...

I too commute down the pike and thanks to a warning from Dr. Bombay, I was able to avert my eyes from the fetus pictures and towards the panhandling pirate! Thanks for the tip Dr. B! -Lulu

12:14 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here to help. Glad you got the message in time. I think my eyes are still burning.

12:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is nice that you can name a bill whatever you doesn't have to actually refer to the laws the bill will put in place. Now THAT is freedom!

11:35 AM

Blogger (A Little) Gris Gris said...

Alright, so he vetoed it. And did so with a bunch of children whose stem cells would've been used for research in the room? What? Anyway, waiting patiently for Scooter and LuLu's coverage of Dubya's recent groping/massaging/inappropriate touching of the German Chancellor.

3:04 PM


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